It's Hard to Train a Dog Without Beating Them

Gracie and I went on a walk the other night. Her heeling was spot on, even though she was wearing her harness that she typically is allowed to go sniff every sniff that she ever did sniff.  When I would stop, she automatically sat, and when we passed a group of children and a stroller, or barking dogs behind fences, she acted like they didn't exist.  To her, the only thing that mattered was me. Not every day is like this, and she wasn't born like this -- but it still amazes me to watch a dog choose to be with me when the entire world is in front of them.

Shortly into our walk, we passed an older man. He had been watching us for about 3 minutes as we got closer. As we got within talking distance, we had some small talk about how well behaved Gracie was and that she was beautiful. And, just as we passed, with sincerity in his voice and a nod of approval, he said,

"It's hard to train a dog without beatin' 'em".

Stunned, a familiar twitch and raise of my left eyebrow alerted me to my ever-present, obvious facial expressions, so I diverted my gaze to my dog, who had her eyes trained on me, with her giant pitty tongue flopping out of her mouth.  I dropped a piece of chicken into her mouth as a dog barked to our left. 

I looked back at the man, my expression now smoothed out.  He meant it as a compliment. A compliment. I tried to take it as such.  He didn’t know I was a dog trainer.  A half-hearted chuckle and head nod as my response, we continued on our separate ways.  Within seconds, the moment had passed. The wind blew, and Gracie sniffed the air while keeping one eye on me. The words stuck with me. They resounded in my brain over and over, and before my brain could gain it's footing, we came upon an owner with a dog on a bright neon yellow shock collar. This dog's head hung so low toward the ground, it's shoulders protruded from its back. His owner told him to sit; her tone, scathing, even though he was doing just as she asked.  His sit was odd and tense, with his parts tucked in under himself so tightly, I couldn't see his tail or back feet.  His hanging head sunk a little lower and turned away from his owner and us ever so slightly as we passed. It was like I could feel him wincing in anticipation.  When she began walking again, she did so with no warning, causing him to be jerked for ward by his neck with the slip lead noose.  I wondered, almost out loud, how many times he had been corrected as we walked by. For what, I wouldn't know.

Dog training isn't always easy. If you have a dog, you are a trainer - like it or not. Some people can get by without really teaching their dogs much of anything, and some can't.  Some love to work at it, some have to work at it, and a lot don't want to work at it. They just want the dog to not act like a dog. 

Stop sniffing.

Stop barking.

Stop digging.

Stop jumping.

Stop chewing.
Stop pacing.

Stop chasing.

Stop trying to be social with every dog you see.
Stop being uncomfortable.

Stop moving.

Stop licking me.
Stop getting on the couch near me.

Stop eating table crumbs.

Stop pulling.

Just stop.

Their world is filled with humans wanting Stops, all day, everyday. And with Stops, come human correction, usually involving pain. And anger. And frustration that they won't stop doing what comes naturally to them.  But unless you teach a different behavior to replace the old behavior, all you teach your dog when you teach them to Stop is avoidance of you or a situation, which turns into learned helplessness.  Both of these owners were only teaching their dogs through pain and punishment, probably because they don't know any other way.

And when you don't know better, your options for the Stops are so limited that the only thing you feel like you have left in your toolbox is pain and correction.  Like an uneducated parent, uneducated dog owners tend to lash out and punish. A lot. Because they don't know how else to get good behavior, they feel as if they don't have other options. 

But, there are always more options. Just because you don't know them right now doesn't mean they aren't there. Imagine what you don't know.  Imagine how many things you could be doing differently, better, in an easier fashion, if only you knew more.  

Research and find a trainer who knows how to show you the multitude of ways to get behavior without hurting your dog, or find the right Facebook group to motivate you, or the right friend, or read an article or book. Ask questions.  Constantly.  Each time, you gain a little more knowledge, and suddenly, your box of options begins to have a few more compartments. It gets a little fuller, and with that, you realize that you don't have to use pain or fear as your go-to, because you have so many other things to try before going that route.

Suddenly, instead of kneeing your dog in the face for jumping, you have 3 or 4 different techniques that all work.

Suddenly, instead of shouting and smacking your dogs when they play too rough, you know how to reinforce polite play and ask for your "enough" cue before things get nutty. 

The worst consequence that I could think of as a child was my mother finding out that I did something wrong. Did I fear her? No. Did I fear how she would react? Absolutely. I was terrified that I would disappoint her, because I respected her and wanted to make her proud.

Did she need to hit me, hurt me, threaten me, beat me, to get proper behavior or to punish a mistake? No. In fact, she didn't even yell. Doing those things probably would have led to defiance and more misbehavior.  The more you yell and punish, the more you are ignored, and the more problems arise.  It's science. 

By using positive reinforcement with children and dogs, you don't need to rely on scaring them into good behavior, and you give yourself more options. Do you know how many times I have heard, "Man, I wish I knew this with my other dog..."?  Your toolbox opens up exponentially because you know more, so you understand how to teach the way dogs/toddlers learn, and they actually WANT to do what you want.  Ask any toddler parent - isn't it more enjoyable when your toddler happily does want you want, rather than you threatening or forcing them to?  It's easier to have a teammate than an adversary. It is the same with your dog.  

And the best part is: they will no longer make those mistakes, because you've helped show them how to make better choices. Without fear. Without intimidation. Without pain. With rewards. With your relationship. With mutual respect.  If you have to ask for respect, you don't have it.  Respect comes from mutual respect, safety, security and love.  Not from punishment. 

When knowledge ends, violence begins.
Keep learning, every day.
Improve your relationship with your dog, every day.
When your brain tells you that you need to punish or hurt a child or dog for something, that should be a red flag that your knowledge has run out. 
Don't let your knowledge run out.

When you know better, you do better. ~Maya Angelou

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There are always situations going on where discipline is needed, and it never involves anger, frustration, pain or violence. If you don't know any better, you might teach these things with punishment and corrections ("eh, eh!", "NO!", shock collar or finger poking). Instead, take a peek at discipline:

EXAMPLE #1:
--->I set down a plate of chicken on the coffee table.  Dog moves in to sniff it, too close for my comfort.  I ask the dog to go on her bed.  She does. After a few moments/minutes, I toss her some chicken to reward her for being on her bed. 

Result 1 - Moving toward the food = being asked to move far away from the food, getting no food.

Result 2 - Moving to and staying on her bed = better option, better result, got rewarded.

I helped her make a better choice, and rewarded that choice for future repeats of this behavior.

EXAMPLE #2:

--->Dogs are getting too rowdy in play.  I interrupt their play by using a kissy noise, and ask them to sit.  I reward them with praise and then ask them to go lay down on the couch.  They do. After a few minutes, I give them the "Go Play" cue, and they begin wrestling again, but this time, with significantly less intensity.

Result: Focused on the good behavior that they had done. Helped them settle and rewarded them with continued play.  Encouraged good behavior, and next time, dogs will be more willing to break at that time, vs amp up.

EXAMPLE #3:

--->Dogs rush the door to get outside, knocking into me, the door and each other.  I begin opening the door only when they sit, and if they stand or move to leave, I say nothing and close the door.  They learn that access outside is only awarded when butts are on the ground.  Result: they learn self-control at the door, and then I release them to go outside (reward). No punishment or corrections necessary.

Anything can be taught without pain, fear or intimidation.
Check out the following trainers for more information:Patricia McConnell
Zak George
Sophia Yin
Patricia McConnell
Kikopup (Emily Larlham)
Suzanne Clothier
Diane Garrod
Ian Dunbar
B.F. Skinner
^that last one is kind of a joke,
but TOTALLY relevant :)